In appreciation of Social Workers all around the world, Social Working Together is the place for information, inspiration and timely discussion in the amazing field of Social Work.
I recently came across the case of 15 year old Bresha Meadows, the Ohio girl accused of killing her father last July. Bresha's case received international attention after she shot her father, whom multiple family members describe as an extremely violent man who abused his wife and their children for years. After spending the last ten months in jail, Bresha accepted a plea deal today that will allow her to be transferred to a mental health facility, avoid further jail time and be eligible for release early next year.
In too many cases, victims of domestic violence are punished for defending themselves and there are scores
of women currently serving long sentences for killing their abusers. Many women who kill their abusive partners fear for their lives on a daily basis and retaliate in a last-ditch effort to save themselves or their children. Bresha's mother Brandi, recalled years of abuse witnessed by her children and the fear that one day her husband would kill them all:
"In the 17 years of our marriage, he has cut me, broke my ribs, fingers, the blood vessels in my hand, my mouth, blackened my eyes. I believe my nose was broken," Brandi Meadows wrote. "If he finds us, I am 100 percent syre he will kill me and the children. My life is like living in a box he created for me and if I stepped out of that box he was there to put me back in." ~ Bresha's Mother, Brandi Meadows
Statistics show that an overwhelming majority of girls in the criminal justice system are exposed to, or victims of family violence, whether physical or sexual in nature. These girls are then left with mental health issues that often go untreated, perpetuating a cycle of victimization, substance use and imprisonment that follows them into adulthood. Its a well known fact that childhood abuse begins a pathway that can lead to violence and incarceration and Bresha's case highlights an extreme example of the outcomes these girls could be facing.
Bresha's case also highlights the need for trauma-informed responses to "criminal" behaviors like running away and other coping mechanisms abused girls employ. Our first response for these girls should not be arrest and incarceration, but interventions that begin to heal the wounds they are living with. Although Bresha will be going home soon, she will no doubt require intensive therapy and support as she begins to restart her life. It's up to us to make sure that these girls receive the support they need as they attempt to undo the effects of the trauma they have experienced.
Anybody else feel like the last year has been...a lot?
Almost everything on the news, from the police shootings, terror attacks, tragedies in Syria and other countries to the abysmal election coverage that we endured for what seemed like an eternity, everything was just too much for me.
I started to feel like this around the time that police officers started to be targeted in shootings, I got a feeling that things were going to get a whole lot worse before they got better and that was BEFORE our new President was elected. I wanted to write about things and examine them and discuss them but it seemed like there was nothing positive that could come from the discussions, only more negative feelings and a sense of impending doom.
And then came November. The icing on the proverbial cake.
Before November, I was hoping for a return to decency. I just knew that after certain tapes were released and other things were said and done that there was no chance that our election would go the way it did. Like so many others, I was wrong. Waking up the morning after, I was actually afraid of what the future held..a feeling I had never felt before in my life.
Now, over 100 days later, its gotten easier to deal with. There are of course many, many days that I scratch my head and wonder if I'm living in an alternate reality, but over time everything has gotten easier for me to process without feeling the weight of the world on my mind and heart. I feel more empowered to help and speak out on the issues and grateful for a chance to advocate for those who may not be able to do so for themselves. I'm happy to be back in the space where I can think about things without feeling like my head is going to explode. It feels so good to be back.
It's a scary time to be alive. If we're not hearing about terrorism overseas and murders every single day here at home, we are bombarded with stories of police brutality and violence that divides us and negates any progress that's been made.
Yesterday, I watched as Alton Sterling's son sobbed behind his mother, crying for his father who was taken from him in the blink of an eye. Today, Philando Castile's girlfriend is speaking out on her terrifying experience, all of which was witnessed by her 4 year old daughter who carried the burden of comforting her mother with a dead body in the car.
The news hit me hard yesterday. Maybe it was the young man crying on television, but more than that, the whole thing left me with a sense of impending doom. This violence can only lead to more violence. When will this end? Will it ever?
As a social worker, I want to understand. Racism is the easy, obvious answer but I feel there is more to it. What is it, in that single moment that causes a police officer to pull the trigger?
There are many beliefs about this issue, first, there's the "subhuman" argument or the belief that black males are seen by others as animals, less than human and therefore unworthy of the same regard given to others. This argument makes sense. If you regard someone as less than human you care nothing about what happens to them and may feel that your actions are justified.
Another argument is the "implicit criminal" argument; that racism and anti-black bias has led police officers to automatically assume that black males are up to no good; that they are "threatening" simply because of the color of their skin. Along those same lines is the concept of "threat perception failure" or the idea that stereotypes lead police to perceive a threat (e.g. a cell phone that "looked" like a gun) that may not be there when the person involved is black.
The arguments definitely have merit but I still don't get it.
We know that there are racist people of all occupations walking around every single day, police officers included. They are somehow reasonable enough to control their thoughts and feelings and go to work and interact with people from other cultures. They have the presence of thought to know that they need their jobs and their pensions and also that they (most likely) do not want to go to jail. Even if they don't give a crap about the life and family of their victim, why do they risk their own well-being to carry out an actual murder, when there are other alternatives and the only provocation is usually something they've been trained to handle. Where does the reason go when confronted with this situation? Is it because they know they will get away with it? Maybe. But with cell phone video and body cameras I still say its a risky gamble. I still think there's more to it.
A few years ago I was in a store where a little girl and her two younger sisters were buying milk for their morning cereal. Two police officers walked into the store; they were patrolling the neighborhood, taking the time to stop into places and say hello. When the officers walked in, the youngest of the three girls had an absolute meltdown, screaming and crying at the very sight of their uniforms. I had never seen her before and she ran into my arms, screaming for her mother because of the presence of police. I tried to console her but she was having none of it. The officers and I both left the store very shaken up by it. It still stands as one of the saddest things I've ever seen.
Another time, I saw a young boy about 7 walking down the street with his mother. When he came across two police officers in their car, he spoke to them, excited to see them in uniform and inspired by their positions. His mother, not so much. Right in front of the officers she told her son not to speak to them, that "you can't trust cops." Her son walked away dejected, his excitement replaced with confusion and sadness at the revelation that someone he looked up to was a bad guy. I was floored. But, is she right?
I worry about the safety of children who feel they can't trust police officers and what that means for their futures. I worry about good cops who become targets because of the actions of others and the notion that if one is bad, all are. I worry about mothers and sisters and brothers and fathers who have to rehearse instructions with their sons about how to interact with police. How scary it must be to be the mother of a son and have to worry not only about the thugs in the street but also about police who may operate from a frame of reference that pushes them to shoot first and ask questions later.
Last night, my husband and his brother went out after dark. I wondered then "what if?" What if they were stopped by police and one thing led to another and I never saw them again. It could happen to me just like it happened to the family of Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Eric Harris, Walter Scott, Michael Brown, Alton Sterling and Philando Castile.
When and how did we get to the place where a teenager is killed in a bathroom over a boy and people stand there and record it? Seriously. When. More importantly, HOW?
When I first read about the incident in Delaware, I couldn't even think about it or write anything because its something so close to home that the thought of it is sickening. Close to where I live, close to what I do and close in age to my own daughter who comes home everyday with stories about what its like to be a girl in her school. To hear about someone actually losing their life this way is beyond anything one could imagine.
There is much more going on here than just some boy. In most cases, the issue at the forefront is just the outcome of whats bubbling under the surface and for girls this age, it usually centers around themselves and the people around them. The way they feel about themselves and how those feelings are impacted by the perceptions of others. Their lives at home. Their relationships with important people or the absence of important people in their lives. The presence of stress and pressure. The pressure to be like everyone else which is so strong and can only be countered by love from home that many of them do not get.
Everyone in this situation needs help. Amy's parents, her friends, the girls behind the attack, their parents and friends, the boy involved, EVERYONE. Children are losing their lives to violence and incarceration OVER NOTHING. I try my best to tell my daughter how the choices she makes now can impact the rest of her life but many girls have no one to tell them this.
WHAT CAN WE DO? There is no time to waste. Things are getting worse and worse everyday and every time we hear a story like this it seems the details get crazier. Have you had success with conflict resolution for girls? What's your approach? What do you think is behind the recent spikes in violence among girls?
Its interesting how neighborhoods change. In many cities, if you've lived there long enough, you may notice some of the changes yourself; how neighborhoods increase and decrease in value; how populations change over time and how an entire community seems to change over night.
Over the last few decades, many American cities have gone through periods of "revitalization" or "urban renewal" causing neighborhoods to rapidly increase in value, drawing in more affluent residents and changing the community makeup. Neighborhoods in Chicago, New York and Philadelphia have become nationally known for their rapid changes in demographics, as formerly low-income neighborhoods change to meet the needs of newcomers.
With the expansion of the University of Pennsylvania in the 1950's, many communities in West Philadelphia were changed forever as Penn made way for an influx of students and faculty and expanded into the surrounding communities. Its widely known that the University and others employed practices that led to the demolition of neighborhoods which were then rebuilt around the school's campus to fit their needs.
The neighborhood surrounding Temple University in North Philadelphia has also changed as the University expands into the area. Like Penn, Temple's campus is situated in the heart of an impoverished area, its massive buildings looming over residents who do not always appreciate its presence. Even now, Temple is facing harsh criticism for their plans to build a new $126M football Stadium, to be located basically in the backyard of several blocks of residential streets. The proposed 35,000 seat stadium is seen by many as yet another encroachment into the community; an area where a football stadium for a bunch of college kids is the least of residents' concerns.
Of course, there are some benefits to the community when a neighborhood is revitalized and those who are able to stay can take advantage of an influx of new and improved services. In both Penn and Temple's case, the Universities have invested millions in their surrounding communities over the years, providing programs and services to residents. Investments in security have made neighborhoods safer and both schools have provided assistance to residents through education, employment and more.
However, to many, the cost of these benefits becomes too high when Universities and other entities use their power and money to reshape the neighborhood to fit their agenda. Memories of systematic demolitions and broken promises have understandably led to distrust of those in power. Many long-time residents fear eventual displacement and resent the intrusion regardless of the perks.
No one would say that neighborhood change is inherently evil and in fact it can be a good thing if its done respectfully and transparently, in ways that benefit residents new and old. However, issues of race, class and power are often at the center of the debate and drown out the positives associated with change.
How do you feel about gentrification? Do the benefits outweigh the risks? How is this affected by race and class?
A few years ago a new show came out on Oprah's channel in which a "celebrity life coach" was there to "fix" the lives of famous people dealing with setbacks. I never watched it but it made me think about famous heads I'd like to get in to and the one that comes to mind most often is Mr. Curtis Jackson, aka 50Cent.
As Social Workers, we are fully aware of the benefits of therapy. We understand how freeing it can be to talk about the hard parts of our lives and how therapy helps people move on from traumatic experiences. Therapy sessions provide a safe, caring environment where people can process their thoughts and experiences in a positive way. I might be biased but I love therapy! I really do. In my opinion, the benefits of a therapeutic relationship with a qualified professional cannot be overstated.
So, I realized a while ago that I have a soft spot for 50Cent. Before you crucify me, hear me out. If you can get past his disrespectful, misogynistic attitude and behavior; his quick, aggressive temper; his seeming lack of concern for the feelings of others and his blatant narcissistic tendencies you'd see what I see: a man deeply affected by unresolved childhood trauma. Its like I can see his pain and how he masks it.
One of the things about being a social worker is our ability to see past outward behaviors down to the underlying issues. We don't see "bad" kids, we see kids dealing with dysfunctional homes and families acting out in the only way they can. We don't see "junkies" and "addicts", we see people struggling to cope with life problems and falling into traps they can't get out of. Social workers are able to see past the exterior.
I think part of the reason why his story resonates with me so much is my feelings for young boys growing up in the inner city. I feel so strongly for them. When I think about the problems young boys are facing, its hard to see a way out. Neighborhoods like the one 50Cent grew up in are merciless in their ability to suck young boys in and spit them out right into jail or the grave. Boys are losing their lives younger and younger and our communities are paralyzed by violence, fear and addiction. It's no wonder why so many young boys turn to crime and violence, their neighborhood is truly a trap.
Knowing his story and reading about some of the things he does and says now, I'd be willing to bet there were some conduct issues in childhood along with some sort of learning difficulties as well. Because of his childhood and his mother's murder when he was eight, I'm also thinking about symptoms of PTSD and maybe a mood disorder like depression. He also seems to have issues relating to others which could be the result of broken attachments in childhood that affect his relationships to this day. And there's probably much more. Being exposed to drugs and violence in the home and community has profound impacts that can last forever. Of course, I don't know him personally and I could be totally wrong, but I'd love to get in that head and really go deep to help him process his life experiences.
Are there any famous people, living or dead, that you would love to get on the couch? Why?
A few weeks ago, two young girls were referred to me during their pediatric visit at the clinic. The girls are sisters, 17 and 13 and they recently came from Jamaica to live here with their father. Their mother stayed. The doctor called me over to help the father get into some literacy classes, however, it was the girls who actually needed the attention.
After quick meetings with the girls, they opened up to me, sharing very personal feelings and emotions that seemed to be held in for a long time. After several repeat visits, their physician remarked on how quickly they bonded with me and asked how did I do it. The answer is simple. I let them talk.
A lot of times, families are hectic. Parents are away at work and sometimes school, and when they are at home, they're tired and not always available for a heart to heart. Mothers and fathers are absent in many families, leaving girls without a main source of support during a very challenging time. For many of them, you will be one of the few people who takes a genuine interest in their life.
There are also many, many things that girls need to talk about that they feel they cannot discuss with their parents and its not just sex. There may be family issues and secrets they can't ask about or feelings about a parent that they cannot express at home. My goal is always to be that adult that a young person can discuss any and everything with. I simply let them talk while asking key questions to guide the session and actively listening and engaging with them in a calm and easygoing manner. You'd be surprised at how much information you can get this way.
I've found that if given the opportunity, most young girls like to talk about themselves; about their goals and dreams and the things that make them happy. When finally given the chance, they seem to open up in front of my eyes, they are free to relax and easy to motivate. It often takes longer to engage girls dealing with trauma, but allowing them the chance to talk about other things in their life builds trust that will eventually help them open up completely.
Working with young girls can be tough but it is truly rewarding. By becoming the person they feel comfortable with you are providing much needed guidance and motivation during a very challenging time in their lives.
