Quick Tip: Let Them Talk

A few weeks ago, two young girls were referred to me during their pediatric visit at the clinic.  The girls are sisters, 17 and 13 and they recently came from Jamaica to live here with their father.  Their mother stayed. The doctor called me over to help the father get into some literacy classes, however, it was the girls who actually needed the attention.

After quick meetings with the girls, they opened up to me, sharing very personal feelings and emotions that seemed to be held in for a long time.  After several repeat visits, their physician remarked on how quickly they bonded with me and asked how did I do it.  The answer is simple.  I let them talk.

A lot of times, families are hectic.  Parents are away at work and sometimes school, and when they are at home, they're tired and not always available for a heart to heart.  Mothers and fathers are absent in many families, leaving girls without a main source of support during a very challenging time.  For many of them, you will be one of the few people who takes a genuine interest in their life.

There are also many, many things that girls need to talk about that they feel they cannot discuss with their parents and its not just sex.  There may be family issues and secrets they can't ask about or feelings about a parent that they cannot express at home.  My goal is always to be that adult that a young person can discuss any and everything with. I simply let them talk while asking key questions to guide the session and actively listening and engaging with them in a calm and easygoing manner.  You'd be surprised at how much information you can get this way.

I've found that if given the opportunity, most young girls like to talk about themselves; about their goals and dreams and the things that make them happy.  When finally given the chance, they seem to open up in front of my eyes, they are free to relax and easy to motivate.  It often takes longer to engage girls dealing with trauma, but allowing them the chance to talk about other things in their life builds trust that will eventually help them open up completely.

Working with young girls can be tough but it is truly rewarding.  By becoming the person they feel comfortable with you are providing much needed guidance and motivation during a very challenging time in their lives.