Heads I'd Like to Get In To: 50Cent

A few years ago a new show came out on Oprah's channel in which a "celebrity life coach" was there to "fix" the lives of famous people dealing with setbacks.  I never watched it but it made me think about famous heads I'd like to get in to and the one that comes to mind most often is Mr. Curtis Jackson, aka 50Cent.

As Social Workers, we are fully aware of the benefits of therapy.  We understand how freeing it can be to talk about the hard parts of our lives and how therapy helps people move on from traumatic experiences. Therapy sessions provide a safe, caring environment where people can process their thoughts and experiences in a positive way.  I might be biased but I love therapy!  I really do.  In my opinion, the benefits of a therapeutic relationship with a qualified professional cannot be overstated.  

So, I realized a while ago that I have a soft spot for 50Cent.  Before you crucify me, hear me out.  If you can get past his disrespectful, misogynistic attitude and behavior; his quick, aggressive temper; his seeming lack of concern for the feelings of others and his blatant narcissistic tendencies you'd see what I see: a man deeply affected by unresolved childhood trauma.  Its like I can see his pain and how he masks it.

One of the things about being a social worker is our ability to see past outward behaviors down to the underlying issues.  We don't see "bad" kids, we see kids dealing with dysfunctional homes and families acting out in the only way they can.  We don't see "junkies" and "addicts", we see people struggling to cope with life problems and falling into traps they can't get out of.  Social workers are able to see past the exterior.  

I think part of the reason why his story resonates with me so much is my feelings for young boys growing up in the inner city.  I feel so strongly for them.  When I think about the problems young boys are facing, its hard to see a way out.  Neighborhoods like the one 50Cent grew up in are merciless in their ability to suck young boys in and spit them out right into jail or the grave.  Boys are losing their lives younger and younger and our communities are paralyzed by violence, fear and addiction.  It's no wonder why so many young boys turn to crime and violence, their neighborhood is truly a trap.

Knowing his story and reading about some of the things he does and says now, I'd be willing to bet there were some conduct issues in childhood along with some sort of learning difficulties as well.  Because of his childhood and his mother's murder when he was eight, I'm also thinking about symptoms of PTSD and maybe a mood disorder like depression.  He also seems to have issues relating to others which could be the result of broken attachments in childhood that affect his relationships to this day.  And there's probably much more.  Being exposed to drugs and violence in the home and community has profound impacts that can last forever.   Of course, I don't know him personally and I could be totally wrong, but I'd love to get in that head and really go deep to help him process his life experiences.    

Are there any famous people, living or dead, that you would love to get on the couch?  Why?

Quick Tip: Let Them Talk

A few weeks ago, two young girls were referred to me during their pediatric visit at the clinic.  The girls are sisters, 17 and 13 and they recently came from Jamaica to live here with their father.  Their mother stayed. The doctor called me over to help the father get into some literacy classes, however, it was the girls who actually needed the attention.

After quick meetings with the girls, they opened up to me, sharing very personal feelings and emotions that seemed to be held in for a long time.  After several repeat visits, their physician remarked on how quickly they bonded with me and asked how did I do it.  The answer is simple.  I let them talk.

A lot of times, families are hectic.  Parents are away at work and sometimes school, and when they are at home, they're tired and not always available for a heart to heart.  Mothers and fathers are absent in many families, leaving girls without a main source of support during a very challenging time.  For many of them, you will be one of the few people who takes a genuine interest in their life.

There are also many, many things that girls need to talk about that they feel they cannot discuss with their parents and its not just sex.  There may be family issues and secrets they can't ask about or feelings about a parent that they cannot express at home.  My goal is always to be that adult that a young person can discuss any and everything with. I simply let them talk while asking key questions to guide the session and actively listening and engaging with them in a calm and easygoing manner.  You'd be surprised at how much information you can get this way.

I've found that if given the opportunity, most young girls like to talk about themselves; about their goals and dreams and the things that make them happy.  When finally given the chance, they seem to open up in front of my eyes, they are free to relax and easy to motivate.  It often takes longer to engage girls dealing with trauma, but allowing them the chance to talk about other things in their life builds trust that will eventually help them open up completely.

Working with young girls can be tough but it is truly rewarding.  By becoming the person they feel comfortable with you are providing much needed guidance and motivation during a very challenging time in their lives.

Happy Social Work Month!

March is National Social Work Month and this year's theme is Forging Solutions Out of Challenges.  The theme made me think about my clients and how they do the best with what they have and how we, as Social Workers, are charged with not only helping people come up with solutions for their immediate problems, but also helping them let go of the past and look forward to better futures.  Its a tough job.  Some days are worse than others but day in and day out we get up and come in, never knowing what the day holds for us.  For that, you should be commended.  

Here you go:

Cheers to YOU!

On a more serious note, the theme made me think about the people I've met over the years.  The clients who have helped me learn about my job and myself and how I've done the best I could to help as many people as possible.  Its a challenging job but I really love it.

We all have our own families and problems to deal with so it takes a special person to come into work everyday for the express purpose of being the one someone cries to.  Its tough.

This isn't one of those jobs you just take because you need a paycheck.  You can, but chances are you won't last long.  It's just too involved.  It requires more, much, much more.  All the things you learned about in school: empathy, kindness, sincerity, compassion, these things must be IN you if you are to make a difference in someone's life. Some of this can't be learned.  It pulls on you emotionally, physically, psychologically...in every way imaginable.

As I said, I love this job.  You probably feel the same way about yours.  Underneath all of the things that piss you off about it (and there are probably many) in your heart you are a helper.  And no matter what goes on in your agency, real social workers are focused on the clients they are there to help. Real Social Workers operate from a Code of Ethics, not just a Job Description.

Just in case no one told you today

Just in case no one has told you today, you are seriously awesome.  And just in case you don't feel appreciated, know that the only people who matter (your patients/clients) truly do appreciate you and everything you do to help turn their challenges into solutions.

Keep up the great work Family.  What a privilege it is to be a part of change in someone else's life. You are storing up treasures in heaven with the work you do everyday.