Heads I'd Like to Get Into: Police Officers Who Kill

It's a scary time to be alive.  If we're not hearing about terrorism overseas and murders every single day here at home, we are bombarded with stories of police brutality and violence that divides us and negates any progress that's been made.

Yesterday, I watched as Alton Sterling's son sobbed behind his mother, crying for his father who was taken from him in the blink of an eye.  Today, Philando Castile's girlfriend is speaking out on her terrifying experience, all of which was witnessed by her 4 year old daughter who carried the burden of comforting her mother with a dead body in the car.  

The news hit me hard yesterday.  Maybe it was the young man crying on television, but more than that, the whole thing left me with a sense of impending doom.  This violence can only lead to more violence.  When will this end?  Will it ever?  

As a social worker, I want to understand.  Racism is the easy, obvious answer but I feel there is more to it. What is it, in that single moment that causes a police officer to pull the trigger?  

There are many beliefs about this issue, first, there's the "subhuman" argument or the belief that black males are seen by others as animals, less than human and therefore unworthy of the same regard given to others.  This argument makes sense.  If you regard someone as less than human you care nothing about what happens to them and may feel that your actions are justified.  

Another argument is the "implicit criminal" argument; that racism and anti-black bias has led police officers to automatically assume that black males are up to no good; that they are "threatening" simply because of the color of their skin.  Along those same lines is the concept of "threat perception failure" or the idea that stereotypes lead police to perceive a threat (e.g. a cell phone that "looked" like a gun) that may not be there when the person involved is black. 

The arguments definitely have merit but I still don't get it.  

We know that there are racist people of all occupations walking around every single day, police officers included. They are somehow reasonable enough to control their thoughts and feelings and go to work and interact with people from other cultures.  They have the presence of thought to know that they need their jobs and their pensions and also that they (most likely) do not want to go to jail. Even if they don't give a crap about the life and family of their victim, why do they risk their own well-being to carry out an actual murder, when there are other alternatives and the only provocation is usually something they've been trained to handle.  Where does the reason go when confronted with this situation?  Is it because they know they will get away with it?  Maybe.  But with cell phone video and body cameras I still say its a risky gamble.  I still think there's more to it.

 A few years ago I was in a store where a little girl and her two younger sisters were buying milk for their morning cereal.  Two police officers walked into the store; they were patrolling the neighborhood, taking the time to stop into places and say hello.  When the officers walked in, the youngest of the three girls had an absolute meltdown, screaming and crying at the very sight of their uniforms.  I had never seen her before and she ran into my arms, screaming for her mother because of the presence of police.  I tried to console her but she was having none of it.  The officers and I both left the store very shaken up by it.  It still stands as one of the saddest things I've ever seen.  

Another time, I saw a young boy about 7 walking down the street with his mother.  When he came across two police officers in their car, he spoke to them, excited to see them in uniform and inspired by their positions.  His mother, not so much.  Right in front of the officers she told her son not to speak to them, that "you can't trust cops."  Her son walked away dejected, his excitement replaced with confusion and sadness at the revelation that someone he looked up to was a bad guy.  I was floored.  But, is she right?  

I worry about the safety of children who feel they can't trust police officers and what that means for their futures.  I worry about good cops who become targets because of the actions of others and the notion that if one is bad, all are.  I worry about mothers and sisters and brothers and fathers who have to rehearse instructions with their sons about how to interact with police.  How scary it must be to be the mother of a son and have to worry not only about the thugs in the street but also about police who may operate from a frame of reference that pushes them to shoot first and ask questions later.  

Last night, my husband and his brother went out after dark.  I wondered then "what if?"  What if they were stopped by police and one thing led to another and I never saw them again.  It could happen to me just like it happened to the family of Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Eric Harris, Walter Scott, Michael Brown, Alton Sterling and Philando Castile.  

I think that's the scariest part of it all.  

How Did We Get Here?

When and how did we get to the place where a teenager is killed in a bathroom over a boy and people stand there and record it?  Seriously.  When.  More importantly, HOW?

When I first read about the incident in Delaware, I couldn't even think about it or write anything because its something so close to home that the thought of it is sickening.  Close to where I live, close to what I do and close in age to my own daughter who comes home everyday with stories about what its like to be a girl in her school.  To hear about someone actually losing their life this way is beyond anything one could imagine.

There is much more going on here than just some boy.  In most cases, the issue at the forefront is just the outcome of whats bubbling under the surface and for girls this age, it usually centers around themselves and the people around them.  The way they feel about themselves and how those feelings are impacted by the perceptions of others.  Their lives at home.  Their relationships with important people or the absence of important people in their lives.  The presence of stress and pressure.  The pressure to be like everyone else which is so strong and can only be countered by love from home that many of them do not get.  

Everyone in this situation needs help.  Amy's parents, her friends, the girls behind the attack, their parents and friends, the boy involved, EVERYONE.  Children are losing their lives to violence and incarceration OVER NOTHING.  I try my best to tell my daughter how the choices she makes now can impact the rest of her life but many girls have no one to tell them this.  

WHAT CAN WE DO?  There is no time to waste.  Things are getting worse and worse everyday and every time we hear a story like this it seems the details get crazier.  Have you had success with conflict resolution for girls?  What's your approach?  What do you think is behind the recent spikes in violence among girls?  

The Penntrification of West Philadelphia

Its interesting how neighborhoods change.  In many cities, if you've lived there long enough, you may notice some of the changes yourself; how neighborhoods increase and decrease in value; how populations change over time and how an entire community seems to change over night.

Over the last few decades, many American cities have gone through periods of "revitalization" or "urban renewal"  causing neighborhoods to rapidly increase in value, drawing in more affluent residents and changing the community makeup. Neighborhoods in Chicago, New York and Philadelphia have become nationally known for their rapid changes in demographics, as formerly low-income neighborhoods change to meet the needs of newcomers.

In Philadelphia, gentrification has been a contentious issue for decades and the city is now considered to be one of the cities with the fastest rates of gentrification in the nation. 

With the expansion of the University of Pennsylvania in the 1950's, many communities in West Philadelphia were changed forever as Penn made way for an influx of students and faculty and expanded into the surrounding communities.  Its widely known that the University and others employed practices that led to the demolition of neighborhoods which were then rebuilt around the school's campus to fit their needs.

The neighborhood surrounding Temple University in North Philadelphia has also changed as the University expands into the area. Like Penn, Temple's campus is situated in the heart of an impoverished area, its massive buildings looming over residents who do not always appreciate its presence. Even now, Temple is facing harsh criticism for their plans to build a new $126M football Stadium, to be located basically in the backyard of several blocks of residential streets. The proposed 35,000 seat stadium is seen by many as yet another encroachment into the community; an area where a football stadium for a bunch of college kids is the least of residents' concerns.

Of course, there are some benefits to the community when a neighborhood is revitalized and those who are able to stay can take advantage of an influx of new and improved services.  In both Penn and Temple's case, the Universities have invested millions in their surrounding communities over the years, providing programs and services to residents. Investments in security have made neighborhoods safer and both schools have provided assistance to residents through education, employment and more.

However, to many, the cost of these benefits becomes too high when Universities and other entities use their power and money to reshape the neighborhood to fit their agenda. Memories of systematic demolitions and broken promises have understandably led to distrust of those in power.  Many long-time residents fear eventual displacement and resent the intrusion regardless of the perks.

No one would say that neighborhood change is inherently evil and in fact it can be a good thing if its done respectfully and transparently, in ways that benefit residents new and old.  However, issues of race, class and power are often at the center of the debate and drown out the positives associated with change. 

How do you feel about gentrification?  Do the benefits outweigh the risks?  How is this affected by race and class?

Heads I'd Like to Get In To: 50Cent

A few years ago a new show came out on Oprah's channel in which a "celebrity life coach" was there to "fix" the lives of famous people dealing with setbacks.  I never watched it but it made me think about famous heads I'd like to get in to and the one that comes to mind most often is Mr. Curtis Jackson, aka 50Cent.

As Social Workers, we are fully aware of the benefits of therapy.  We understand how freeing it can be to talk about the hard parts of our lives and how therapy helps people move on from traumatic experiences. Therapy sessions provide a safe, caring environment where people can process their thoughts and experiences in a positive way.  I might be biased but I love therapy!  I really do.  In my opinion, the benefits of a therapeutic relationship with a qualified professional cannot be overstated.  

So, I realized a while ago that I have a soft spot for 50Cent.  Before you crucify me, hear me out.  If you can get past his disrespectful, misogynistic attitude and behavior; his quick, aggressive temper; his seeming lack of concern for the feelings of others and his blatant narcissistic tendencies you'd see what I see: a man deeply affected by unresolved childhood trauma.  Its like I can see his pain and how he masks it.

One of the things about being a social worker is our ability to see past outward behaviors down to the underlying issues.  We don't see "bad" kids, we see kids dealing with dysfunctional homes and families acting out in the only way they can.  We don't see "junkies" and "addicts", we see people struggling to cope with life problems and falling into traps they can't get out of.  Social workers are able to see past the exterior.  

I think part of the reason why his story resonates with me so much is my feelings for young boys growing up in the inner city.  I feel so strongly for them.  When I think about the problems young boys are facing, its hard to see a way out.  Neighborhoods like the one 50Cent grew up in are merciless in their ability to suck young boys in and spit them out right into jail or the grave.  Boys are losing their lives younger and younger and our communities are paralyzed by violence, fear and addiction.  It's no wonder why so many young boys turn to crime and violence, their neighborhood is truly a trap.

Knowing his story and reading about some of the things he does and says now, I'd be willing to bet there were some conduct issues in childhood along with some sort of learning difficulties as well.  Because of his childhood and his mother's murder when he was eight, I'm also thinking about symptoms of PTSD and maybe a mood disorder like depression.  He also seems to have issues relating to others which could be the result of broken attachments in childhood that affect his relationships to this day.  And there's probably much more.  Being exposed to drugs and violence in the home and community has profound impacts that can last forever.   Of course, I don't know him personally and I could be totally wrong, but I'd love to get in that head and really go deep to help him process his life experiences.    

Are there any famous people, living or dead, that you would love to get on the couch?  Why?

Quick Tip: Let Them Talk

A few weeks ago, two young girls were referred to me during their pediatric visit at the clinic.  The girls are sisters, 17 and 13 and they recently came from Jamaica to live here with their father.  Their mother stayed. The doctor called me over to help the father get into some literacy classes, however, it was the girls who actually needed the attention.

After quick meetings with the girls, they opened up to me, sharing very personal feelings and emotions that seemed to be held in for a long time.  After several repeat visits, their physician remarked on how quickly they bonded with me and asked how did I do it.  The answer is simple.  I let them talk.

A lot of times, families are hectic.  Parents are away at work and sometimes school, and when they are at home, they're tired and not always available for a heart to heart.  Mothers and fathers are absent in many families, leaving girls without a main source of support during a very challenging time.  For many of them, you will be one of the few people who takes a genuine interest in their life.

There are also many, many things that girls need to talk about that they feel they cannot discuss with their parents and its not just sex.  There may be family issues and secrets they can't ask about or feelings about a parent that they cannot express at home.  My goal is always to be that adult that a young person can discuss any and everything with. I simply let them talk while asking key questions to guide the session and actively listening and engaging with them in a calm and easygoing manner.  You'd be surprised at how much information you can get this way.

I've found that if given the opportunity, most young girls like to talk about themselves; about their goals and dreams and the things that make them happy.  When finally given the chance, they seem to open up in front of my eyes, they are free to relax and easy to motivate.  It often takes longer to engage girls dealing with trauma, but allowing them the chance to talk about other things in their life builds trust that will eventually help them open up completely.

Working with young girls can be tough but it is truly rewarding.  By becoming the person they feel comfortable with you are providing much needed guidance and motivation during a very challenging time in their lives.

Happy Social Work Month!

March is National Social Work Month and this year's theme is Forging Solutions Out of Challenges.  The theme made me think about my clients and how they do the best with what they have and how we, as Social Workers, are charged with not only helping people come up with solutions for their immediate problems, but also helping them let go of the past and look forward to better futures.  Its a tough job.  Some days are worse than others but day in and day out we get up and come in, never knowing what the day holds for us.  For that, you should be commended.  

Here you go:

Cheers to YOU!

On a more serious note, the theme made me think about the people I've met over the years.  The clients who have helped me learn about my job and myself and how I've done the best I could to help as many people as possible.  Its a challenging job but I really love it.

We all have our own families and problems to deal with so it takes a special person to come into work everyday for the express purpose of being the one someone cries to.  Its tough.

This isn't one of those jobs you just take because you need a paycheck.  You can, but chances are you won't last long.  It's just too involved.  It requires more, much, much more.  All the things you learned about in school: empathy, kindness, sincerity, compassion, these things must be IN you if you are to make a difference in someone's life. Some of this can't be learned.  It pulls on you emotionally, physically, psychologically...in every way imaginable.

As I said, I love this job.  You probably feel the same way about yours.  Underneath all of the things that piss you off about it (and there are probably many) in your heart you are a helper.  And no matter what goes on in your agency, real social workers are focused on the clients they are there to help. Real Social Workers operate from a Code of Ethics, not just a Job Description.

Just in case no one told you today

Just in case no one has told you today, you are seriously awesome.  And just in case you don't feel appreciated, know that the only people who matter (your patients/clients) truly do appreciate you and everything you do to help turn their challenges into solutions.

Keep up the great work Family.  What a privilege it is to be a part of change in someone else's life. You are storing up treasures in heaven with the work you do everyday.

40 Years of Solitude

Over the years, I had heard only bits and pieces about the Angola 3; Robert King, Herman Wallace and Albert Woodfox; three Louisiana men who were serving time for a robbery when they were convicted of murdering a prison guard in April of 1972.  It wasn't until just recently that the case came back to my attention, when Mr. Woodfox was released last week after serving the longest sentence in solitary confinement in US history.  

Solitary confinement is a pretty self-explanatory term; "serious, predatory" offenders, are confined to a cell alone, for 22-24 hours per day, usually in an effort to protect the safety of themselves and others.  Prisoners who are considered to be at risk for violence (e.g. pedophiles, witnesses, children, etc) are also kept in isolation as well as prisoners, like the A3, who were "suspected of organizing illegal activities" inside prison walls.  The punishment was initially intended to allow prisoners to "reflect on their misdeeds and draw closer to God" through isolation and seclusion from others.

After their conviction in 1972, this was the fate of the Angola 3, who were kept in seclusion for fear that they would organize an uprising in the prison and spread "Black Pantherism" among the other inmates.  All three men were sent to solitary in 1972, King for 29 years before he was released, Wallace for 40 years until his release in 2013 and Woodfox, serving 43 of his 45 year sentence in isolation until his release on February 19.  

I won't even discuss the fact that Mr. Woodfox's case was overturned three times, how the prosecution's witnesses were discredited, how evidence was lost and racial discrimination was rampant throughout the trial.  I was more intrigued by the impact that spending that much time alone can have on a person's psyche and how Mr. Woodfox and the others seem to have emerged with their faculties intact. Its interesting that I didn't really think of keeping someone alone as a form of torture until I learned about the effect it has on people over the course of time.  

Prisoners who have spent time in solitary describe it as "spirit-killing," "mind-altering," saying that "people come in with a few minor problems and leave as sociopaths."  Many prisoners report that it only takes a few days for some to begin having hallucinations, talking to themselves and displaying early signs of psychosis such as paranoia, disorganized speech and bizarre behavior.  Mr. Woodfox says he was able to survive only through reading and trying to stay connected to the outside world, but still suffered severe panic attacks, hallucinations and insomnia for much of his time there.

Research shows that prolonged periods of seclusion can lead to a condition called "isolation panic"- with symptoms such as severe anxiety, insomnia, aggression, depression, delusions and self-harm. The psychological effects of forced seclusion are often irreversible and can present themselves in as little as 15 days.  This punishment is especially harmful to those already dealing with mental illness, as being placed in isolation exacerbates their conditions and limits access to medical and mental health care.

                   ********
I've read that the goal of isolation is to keep prisoners and guards safe from the most aggressive inmates, but it seems that prolonged isolation from others actually contributes to the high rates of recidivism among those who spend time there.  Many of those held in "super max" prisons need to be "re-socialized" before they can be released into society, and rates of recidivism among this group are as high as 20% in some states.

We don't have to debate the fact that people who commit crimes deserve to be punished.  I get it.  But, where are the limits?  Since we know human beings are social creatures what is the real goal here?  Are we trying to break people's minds?  Are we punishing them for their crimes by slowly driving them insane using methods we know for sure will work?  It just doesn't seem right.


So after 45 years, Mr. Woodfox is finally free.  Finally out of the 6x9 box he has spent the last half-century of his life in. As I said, I'm not here to debate his guilt or innocence, I'm just amazed that he survived this long in a room by himself and a little shocked that our system of justice relies on a form of psychological torture as punishment.
How do you feel about it?  Find out more about it here and let me know what you think.

I Don't Want to be a Case Study

I had a patient tell me that last week and at first, I thought he was joking. Then I thought about how many people in his position probably feel the same way and I realized it wasn't a joke at all.

The patient is what we call "Priority" here at my clinic, which means that he is HIV positive.  He moved back here from Chicago, came to my clinic to have a form filled out and casually mentioned that he has been positive since 2011.

That's where I come in.

As soon as I sat down with him, he hung his head low, taking long deep breaths, readying himself for what he thought was to come.  The first thing he said was:

"I'll come in for care, I just don't want to be a case study, you know?  

That's why I stopped going to the doctor in the first place.

They do that...study people.  Measuring the incidence of this and the occurrence of that.  

Every time I went to an appointment, there was a new person asking me questions.  

People that I never met before.  I hate feeling like I'm being studied. I'll stay home before I feel like that again."  

As he explained, I thought about it and the truth is he's kinda right.  When patients come in for appointments, they don't just see the doctor, there are at least 5 other people waiting to see them each and every time; each new person asking the same basic questions, checking the answers off on forms, paying them to take surveys and give up personal information.  I can totally see how he feels.

Most patients are thrilled to answer questions and a $50 gift card definitely sweetens the deal.  And then there are others, who couldn't care less about a gift card to Target and resent our intrusions into their personal lives.

So, to us, the surveys and questions make sense - we need the information.  We do need to know the incidence and occurrence of things because its our job to have that information and it helps us help our patients.  But, there has to be a way to make people feel better about things. I'd rather patients get and stay healthy than refuse to come in simply because of the questions on a form.  They are much more than that.

Flint Crisis A Byproduct of Poverty

"If there was even a whiff of lead in Grosse Pointe, better believe they'd be pumping in Perrier by the end of the day." ~Ron Fournier on NPR 


I caught a piece on NPR about the Flint issue, where the guest speaker mentioned how strongly poverty impacts the problem, stating plainly that this would not have happened if poverty weren't a factor.  It sounds obvious but when you sit and really think about it, its quite disgusting how the whole thing unfolded.  (See timeline of events here)

LeeAnne Walters: One of the first Flint residents to speak out 

As social workers, we are all too aware of the role being poor plays in a person's quality of life. Everything is impacted from birth to death and every moment in between.  Poor people are less healthy, less happy and they die younger from preventable causes.  This wouldn't have been an issue in the suburbs of Anytown, USA as its residents would have marched down to City Hall as soon as they noticed even the slightest twinge of a problem and the government would have responded posthaste providing remedies and follow up to make sure that everything was peachy-keen.

This could only happen in a place like Flint, where 40% of its residents live in poverty.  Poverty leads to lack of options, lack of options creates dependence and dependence can lead to a fear of standing up for oneself and a realization that nothing will change even if you do.

In some cases, there is that one resident who cries out and rallies the community behind their shared cause; but in many communities no one stands up because they are so used to being beaten down they feel there is no point.  When poor people speak out they are told to "stop complaining;" they are berated for having the audacity to expect that they deserve the same treatment as others.  Many of the children of Flint were continuously affected since birth, when their mothers made their bottles with lead-laced drinking water.  When they started to notice their water was turning brown, they were lied to, rather blatantly for over a year while politicians slept soundly at night, their children safe from the poison being funneled into homes a few towns over.

One of our basic tenets as social workers is to challenge social injustice "on behalf of vulnerable and oppressed individuals and groups of people."  We must advocate for those who can't advocate for themselves.  We must mobilize citizens and let them know how powerful their voices can be when everyone is on the same page.

Basic Areas of Concern for Teen Girls

Working with teens can be difficult.  You know this if you work in a school, group home, detention center or other agency that serves adolescents.  Young people are dealing with so much these days, so many choices, decisions and pressures that shape their feelings about themselves and the world around them.


Teenage girls can be an especially challenging group to reach, as girls are faced with a different set of pressures that affect almost all of the choices they make.

In practice, I've found some success in reaching young women and I've noticed a few key areas that seem to have the biggest impacts on their lives.  When working with them its been helpful for me to have basic knowledge of the following:

1. Parents & Siblings: What is the current status (and history) of relationships with parents and siblings, in the home or outside? 
2. Stability: Have living arrangements and important relationships been stable over time?   
3. Connection with Mother: Is the relationship with mom tense or supportive? Close-knit or estranged?  Is Mom even around at all?
4. Sexual History: Is the client sexually active now or in the past?  Is she in a serious relationship?
5. View of Self: How does she feel about herself in terms of self-esteem, self-efficacy, self-confidence and level of self-awareness? 
6. Present/Past or Future Orientation:  Are past issues dominating her present feelings? Is she able to see herself in the future?  Does she feel positive about her place in the world?

All of these pieces affect and are affected by each other to form the whole person.  Deficiencies in these areas tend to show themselves in internalizing behaviors such as depression, anxiety and somatic complaints and externalizing behaviors such as fighting/aggressiveness, sexual promiscuity and vulnerability to unhealthy relationships.  Being aware of these major areas of concern will assist with diagnosis and addressing the presenting problems.

Successful interactions with teenage girls will require more than knowledge of the above, the most important piece of the puzzle is YOU! Are you the type of adult that a young girl feels she can confide in?  What makes you different than her parents and other adults that she doesn't trust?  How can she be sure that you have her best interests at heart?  Here are a few ways to become the adult that the kids on your caseload need: 

• Remember your own time as a teenager: Fully remember the thoughts, feelings and pressures you were facing.  
• Realize they are not adults: Understand that they do not process things the way you do.
• Resist the urge to parent: They are not your kids so don't treat them as such.
• Recognize their need for autonomy: A teen's sense of control over their own life has a strong impact on the decisions they make.  
• Reinforce their strengths: Help them see how special they are regardless of their history or current circumstances.

These are just some of the things that have worked for me.  What works for you?

Case in Point: Meet Moussa

Not Moussa

Moussa is a 19 year old from Ivory Coast, who recently came here after his mother worked for years in a braid shop until she could bring her children here one by one.  He arrived here last month and speaks only French and Dioula, the dialect spoken in his town.

Living in West Philadelphia, he will be required to attend one of the neighborhood high schools and let me tell you, they both leave a lot to be desired.

In Ivory Coast, he went as far as the 11th grade, but will be required to begin in the 9th grade here, the grade where everyone else will be 14, while he is basically a grown man, walking the same hallways as children.

I spoke to one of my colleagues about the situation, a woman who immigrated from Haiti decades ago.  I told her I was concerned about how Moussa will fare in high school and especially concerned about how the other kids will treat him, considering he can't speak the language and he looks and acts different than everyone else.  She told me that its very hard for children coming here from other countries and that most of the kids end up fighting in response to the merciless bullying they experience. Many children also report discrimination from their teachers who assume they are less intelligent than other students, making many of the children feel "invisible" in school.

The experience of immigration in and of itself has been shown to have negative impacts on children.  When that experience is coupled with discrimination and bullying, the child can experience negative outcomes that last into adulthood.

What can we do?

For now, I'll do my best to help Moussa and his family with the process of applying to school and ensuring that he is placed where his needs will be met AND that his school officials are aware of what he might be facing there.  I'll also refer the family to a welcoming group for people from his country, where he can interact with people his age who have adjusted to being in the US.  I'll do my part to the best of my ability, but I'm concerned that its just not enough.      

On The Way to Slaughter

I work in a medical office, what used to be called the "Free Clinic," a facility in a system of city-run health centers that provide medical care to city residents, regardless of insurance or ability to pay. My office is outside of the lab, the place where patients come to have their blood drawn; a terrifying concept for some, especially the children who scream, kick and cry, often having to be held down in order to get the samples.

The waiting area for the lab is directly outside of it and over the years I've wondered how the experience of seeing and hearing other children having their blood drawn affects the children waiting in line for their turn.    

Dr. Grandin and her Bovine buddies.  

It made me think about Dr. Temple Grandin and her famous research into a more humane process for animal slaughtering. As an "Animal Welfare" expert, Dr. Grandin led the charge for new designs in slaughterhouses that prevent cows from hearing and seeing what happens to the cow in front of the line.  She found that when cows can see and hear what's waiting for them, they became panicked and stressed, thrashing around in an attempt to get away, often injuring themselves and setting off a domino effect of fear among the other cows.

Its the exact same thing with the kids.  While they wait for their turn, the sounds coming from the lab are clear; something bad happens to children in there.  I see kids waiting for their turn, their eyes wide with fear and wonder. When their number is called, I can only imagine what they think will happen to them. Sometimes, they run away and have to be caught and strapped down; and for those who have been in there before, the visit is even more terrifying, because they remember the ordeal from the last time.  All of it leads to a horrible experience for children and an anxiety-inducing trip to the clinic for the parents.  And all of it happens in clear view of the waiting area, leaving children terrified before they even walk through the door.

What can we do?  

Because of Dr. Grandin's research, slaughterhouses are now outfitted with curved loading chutes which control how much a cow sees and hears, and other mechanisms that provide a more comforting experience in the animal's last hours.

I'm not sure how we could fix this for the children.  Revamping the placement of the waiting area would require a re-design of the entire building, which will probably not happen. There has to be something we can do.  Having blood drawn is something that most of us will have to do many times over the course of our lives. It will probably never be fun, but it doesn't have to be traumatic either.

Any ideas?

Case in Point: Meet Alexis

Alexis is a 14 year old girl from New York.  She was referred to you by her pediatrician after a positive Chlamydia test and concerns about cutting school and problems in the home.  The doctor also mentions an issue with sexual abuse previously reported to the authorities.  

Two months ago, Alexis left New York to live with her father, after revealing that she had been raped by the mother's boyfriend when she was 12.  Alexis's mother chose not to believe her, leading Alexis to move to Philadelphia with her father and step-mother, who previously lived alone.  During the interview, Alexis tells you she is not sexually active and has no boyfriend.  She explains that when she was absent from class 50 times she was in the counselor's office working on anger management.  She mentions tension between herself and the step-mother, saying that the step-mother doesn't respect her and she feels that it may come to blows between the two of them.

When describing the situation, Alexis is sweet and engaging, she laughs when appropriate and listens intently as questions are asked.  She cries when the subject of her abuse arises and becomes very angry when her mother's reaction is mentioned.  In the end, she says that she thinks counseling would be helpful for her to move forward and that she is willing to work with her new family.
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"I can't believe she chose him over me.  She's supposed to be my mother."

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Alexis was brought to the office by her step-mother, who describes a completely different scenario.  From what she says, Alexis has been sending and receiving sexually explicit text messages, sneaking out of the house at night and bringing boys home during the day when she cuts class.  They took her cell phone as punishment only to find another one that her boyfriend gave her; and when they confronted her, the argument almost turned into a fight. Alexis' father desperately wants to get his daughter some help, but her behavior has turned the house into a "war zone."

Where do we start with this family?  What should we do FIRST with Alexis?

I Can't Be Your Mom

Everyone has a population that they prefer.  Whether its seniors, teens, women or boys, for most social workers there is one specific group that we feel we have the most impact on and for me, its teenage girls.  I have a real soft spot for them.  I know what its like to face the trials of being a girl, the pressures of sex and relationships, trying to learn how to be a woman in a society that devalues womanhood and how to be the best version of yourself when you still don't even know who you are. Its a wild ride and its also the time when girls can make choices that stay with them for the rest of their lives.

One of my clients, a 15 year old pregnant girl who nae-nae'd into my life last year had a meltdown last night; crying and screaming my name in the clinic lobby.  Last year, she and her girlfriend came to the clinic after said girlfriend missed her period following a threesome at a friends house the week before.

She was 12.

The girlfriend has since been shipped out of state, after a three month stay in the local psych hospital, leaving my client to walk the streets alone, one more person taken out of her life.

She doesn't know her mother and lives with her father who is an alcoholic.   Before the pregnancy, she fought all the time, landing her in a disciplinary school and in and out of court.  Everything that can be crazy in a teenager's life is happening to her everyday but the thing about it is that she is SMART.  She communicates her feelings well, understands how to navigate the system and seems like she really wants her life to be different, to be better.

Since the day we met, I can feel how she feels about me.  I can see it when she looks at me, when she tells me how much I mean to her.  She shines when she is with me.  The trouble is that I can only do so much.

Its understandable how she feels.  When no one seems to care about you and you meet someone who does, its a natural reaction to cling to them.   I can tell that around me she can be different than she has ever been.  She can let her guard down.  She doesn't have to be hard or tough, she can be who she really is: a scared 15 year old girl, with no one to care about her and her life.  I can't imagine what it must feel like to be alone in this world at her age.  For the hour or so that she's with me, she can laugh and relax and hope and just...be.

We all know that social work is not easy.  Not just because of the paperwork, or the long hours, or all the other stuff we might complain about.  Its tough because these are people with problems and we can only do so much.  I can't be her mother.  I wish her life were different.  I wish her mothers life had been different.  I wish all the mothers out there had different lives so they could step up and do what their daughters need them to do.  But I can only do so much and sometimes I wonder if its enough.