Case in Point: Meet Alexis

Alexis is a 14 year old girl from New York.  She was referred to you by her pediatrician after a positive Chlamydia test and concerns about cutting school and problems in the home.  The doctor also mentions an issue with sexual abuse previously reported to the authorities.  

Two months ago, Alexis left New York to live with her father, after revealing that she had been raped by the mother's boyfriend when she was 12.  Alexis's mother chose not to believe her, leading Alexis to move to Philadelphia with her father and step-mother, who previously lived alone.  During the interview, Alexis tells you she is not sexually active and has no boyfriend.  She explains that when she was absent from class 50 times she was in the counselor's office working on anger management.  She mentions tension between herself and the step-mother, saying that the step-mother doesn't respect her and she feels that it may come to blows between the two of them.

When describing the situation, Alexis is sweet and engaging, she laughs when appropriate and listens intently as questions are asked.  She cries when the subject of her abuse arises and becomes very angry when her mother's reaction is mentioned.  In the end, she says that she thinks counseling would be helpful for her to move forward and that she is willing to work with her new family.
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"I can't believe she chose him over me.  She's supposed to be my mother."

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Alexis was brought to the office by her step-mother, who describes a completely different scenario.  From what she says, Alexis has been sending and receiving sexually explicit text messages, sneaking out of the house at night and bringing boys home during the day when she cuts class.  They took her cell phone as punishment only to find another one that her boyfriend gave her; and when they confronted her, the argument almost turned into a fight. Alexis' father desperately wants to get his daughter some help, but her behavior has turned the house into a "war zone."

Where do we start with this family?  What should we do FIRST with Alexis?

I Can't Be Your Mom

Everyone has a population that they prefer.  Whether its seniors, teens, women or boys, for most social workers there is one specific group that we feel we have the most impact on and for me, its teenage girls.  I have a real soft spot for them.  I know what its like to face the trials of being a girl, the pressures of sex and relationships, trying to learn how to be a woman in a society that devalues womanhood and how to be the best version of yourself when you still don't even know who you are. Its a wild ride and its also the time when girls can make choices that stay with them for the rest of their lives.

One of my clients, a 15 year old pregnant girl who nae-nae'd into my life last year had a meltdown last night; crying and screaming my name in the clinic lobby.  Last year, she and her girlfriend came to the clinic after said girlfriend missed her period following a threesome at a friends house the week before.

She was 12.

The girlfriend has since been shipped out of state, after a three month stay in the local psych hospital, leaving my client to walk the streets alone, one more person taken out of her life.

She doesn't know her mother and lives with her father who is an alcoholic.   Before the pregnancy, she fought all the time, landing her in a disciplinary school and in and out of court.  Everything that can be crazy in a teenager's life is happening to her everyday but the thing about it is that she is SMART.  She communicates her feelings well, understands how to navigate the system and seems like she really wants her life to be different, to be better.

Since the day we met, I can feel how she feels about me.  I can see it when she looks at me, when she tells me how much I mean to her.  She shines when she is with me.  The trouble is that I can only do so much.

Its understandable how she feels.  When no one seems to care about you and you meet someone who does, its a natural reaction to cling to them.   I can tell that around me she can be different than she has ever been.  She can let her guard down.  She doesn't have to be hard or tough, she can be who she really is: a scared 15 year old girl, with no one to care about her and her life.  I can't imagine what it must feel like to be alone in this world at her age.  For the hour or so that she's with me, she can laugh and relax and hope and just...be.

We all know that social work is not easy.  Not just because of the paperwork, or the long hours, or all the other stuff we might complain about.  Its tough because these are people with problems and we can only do so much.  I can't be her mother.  I wish her life were different.  I wish her mothers life had been different.  I wish all the mothers out there had different lives so they could step up and do what their daughters need them to do.  But I can only do so much and sometimes I wonder if its enough.